More simple advice

Advice comes at you all the time when you have a pregnant wife. Friends, family and perfect strangers often feel the need to give you little pearls of wisdom. A lady in Wal-Mart talked to me about the third trimester and child birth for 10 minutes while my wife was in the bathroom. Sometimes you get great advice and sometimes you just smile and nod and think, "Wow, you are all kinds of crazy!"

As we enter the third trimester I find myself looking for more simple advice to help me through being a dad and raising my daughter. Honestly, I still really don't understand women, so how am I supposed to raise a little one? Through happenstance I got some advice from a combination of unlikely places and while a bit unconventional, I think it fits.

I listen to the Adam Corolla radio show every morning through Internet radio, and he has a theory about being a good dad to a daughter; Your only job is to keep them off the stripper pole. That's it! If you're daughter isn't serving up lap dances you've done a good job being a dad. You can also use it as a litmus test; By doing or not doing X will my daughter be pushed towards the stripper pole?

Yeah it's simplistic and doesn't address all of the intricate issues that exist between dads and daughters but I think it's a great overlying theory.

The other day my best friend Jason sent me one of those emails with fake motivational posters. One fit the Stripper Pole theory of daughter raising all too well. . .

strippersNow I'm not saying strippers are bad people. Everyone has to make a buck, and I'm not one to judge. Nor am I saying stripper's dads are horrible dads devoid of love. But you have to face the fact: If your daughter is taking her clothes off for money, somewhere along the line, no matter how much you loved her, you f*cked up buddy!

It's the same with people who have substance abuse issues. My wife and I love the show Intervention on A&E (it makes me feel better about the problems in my life). As they tell their life stories either there is divorce or some form of abuse that leads to these people using drugs and alcohol. As it begins we'll say to each other "So you think it was divorce or molestation?" It's sad but true.

The actions of mom and dad have huge effects on their kids. In order to be more educated about the subject I bought a book on the relationships between dads and daughters, I'll let you know all about it in a future post. Until then, I am sticking with the Stripper Pole Theory.


10 Responses to “More simple advice”
  1. Brad says:

    Don’t forget to add Hooters to the list. Please man upstairs, don’t let my daughter work at Hooters.

  2. Adam says:

    Hooters is stripper training school! My friends dragged me to one on my 23rd birthday and the waitress asked “oh you going out to strip club later?” When I said “No, I really don’t like going to strip clubs” she stormed off and wouldn’t speak to me anymore!

  3. Otter Thomas says:

    I once went to a Hooters across the street from a strip club. Later that night we saw our waitress on stage making out and sharing some breast appreciation with one of the strippers.

    Also after you have the baby be ready for strangers at Wal-Mart trying to touch your baby. This is way more disturbing than them merely talking to you.

  4. Tyler @ Building Camelot says:

    My oldest is three years old and ever since she was born I’m doing everything I can to keep her off the streets and off the pole. So far it’s working but she can’t drive yet so I’m safe for now!

  5. Adam says:

    So far so good!

    If she asks for clear plastic platform shoes or the 6 pack starter wig set you know you’re in trouble.

  6. Adam says:

    Seriously? Strangers touch your baby??!! They are going to see how fast a hand can be slapped. . . .

    Thanks for the comment.

  7. panda says:

    Hrm. Weird, I’d think that a dad being so insecure over his daughter potentially being a stripper would be the REAL way to screw things up with her. Besides, there’s many different kinds of strippers - I’d definitely agree on the idea that you’ve screwed up if your daughter HAS to do it for money. But, if it’s simply the best paying, fewest hours, and most enjoyable job she has access to? Hardly screwing things up there…

    This whole concept seems uniquely American, actually. There are far far worse things to be, or to grow up into. If you raise an honest daughter with great self confidence who you can be friends with as an adult, that’s what truly matters.

  8. Jay says:

    I love strippers! They’re great people. And my sons will likely enjoy them as well so keep up the good work dads!

    And seriously, I think stripping would beat working the check out line at Wal Mart or collecting change at a toll both sucking down exhaust all day. They don’t want you for your mind in either of those career tracks. As long as they stay off drugs and enjoy it, I think stripping builds character!


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